New Beginnings..

New beginnings..yeahh, I guess that's a good way to put it. I'm starting a new chapter in my life. Of course, it's more like starting to read six books at once and getting the characters mixed up. I just got out of the military in January. And let me tell you, being thrust out into the wilderness of civilization is a huge reality check to those military folks that think they have their shit together. Lies, blasphemy, propaganda!! The real world is completely different from anything in the military. They don't prepare you for this shit. Going from working fifteen hours a day to having no job, no school, a place to live if you're lucky enough to find a cheap place like I was. It's a huge change from the structured "You do everything I tell you" life of military. I found out that I can't stand being alone in one place for long. And unemployment blows, especially in Calii. I finally got a job after three and a half months of applying. I start next week. Fuckking nerve-racking, yes? Not even close to everything yet. I start school in May, if I'm lucky enough to get summer classes, if not I'm kind of fuckkt twiddling my thumbs and waiting for the fall semester. It's been five years since I've gone to school. Are you fuckking serious? Those forty year olds that return to school, my hat's off to you. You are brave souls. It's only been five years and I'm still nervous. On top of these three life changing factors, I'm living with my boyfriend, Travii Troublesome. We've been together for almost a year and a half. But living together can be an adventure to put it nicely. I'm not sooper girly, but I believe there are still things we don't need to share yet. Like how long it takes me to shave my legs...or how long it takes him to shit in the morning. Don't get me wrong, we have a blast. Probably more fun than you and your girlfriend. We play drunk Life, have epic nerf gun battles with my thirteen gun collection, jello shot twister....I love living with him. But this is the first significant other I've lived with, joint lease and all. There are days when I want to be alone, and I'm pretty certain there are days when he wants to throw me off the third story balcony. But we make it work. I'm no expert, I've had my heart broken and I'm guilty of breaking them too, but I know this much: talking works. Talking, not yelling, not fuckking..granted that's fun and all, but after the angry sex nothing has changed but the chemicals in your brain. Talking is what gets us through almost everything. We got pretty lucky, and we haven't had a serious fight yet. It will happen one day, but so far we've been pretty level-headed and calm when dealing with our issues. And any couple that says they don't have issues are liars. True story. On to another book I'm starting to read simultaneously is getting healthier. In my previous episode I mentioned my torn ACL. For being athletic my whole life, this killed me. I became depressed, moody, and well chubby...which didn't help the two afore mentioned side effects. I have never been a stick, nor do I want to be. I'm happy with my 130 pound, size 5, muscular body. But when that number tipped to 160, I flipped. Something in my brain started beating on the side of my skull, calling me lazy and I was only enabling my laziness by using my knee as an excuse. I've had knee injuries before, being so clumsy it's inevitable, but this was terrible. So I got my fat ass back into gear. Three months later, two 5k's under my belt, fifteen pounds lighter, and two more mud runs scheduled this month I'm ecstatic. I'm not where I was, but I'm getting there. My mind has been set, and there's no going back. It hasn't been easy, but with my determination and Travii Troublesome's help on my bad days, I'm remembering that strength is beauty. No matter what anyone tells you, dreams don't work unless you do sweetheart. Wishing you were skinny or in shape won't get you anywhere. It takes hard work, on and off the field. And support, even if it's just from one person. I have a daily reminder around my wrist. It's a bracelet my friend gave me years ago with a charm I added. All the charm says is "Strenth", but it helps me. When pull ups are kicking my ass, and I don't want to run anymore I remember that my body is strong, I am strong. I've stopped drinking every night, which ended up being stupidly easy for me..because being in the military is pretty much four years of being an alcoholic. So getting out, and expecting everyone to drink a bottle or two with you..then realizing it's Tuesday and everyone is looking at you like you have the plague is a serious culture shock from everyone drinking all the time. If you don't have beer, someone is bound to have some and be in a sharing mood. Stoopid military. The last and final book I'm trying to organize the characters to is making new friends. I have serious trust issues, and most call me a bitch. I'm okay with that. But what I'm not okay with is the fact that I'm talking to my orchid I named Poindexter. Making new friends will be a feat of magic for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm a blast. Ask any of my friends. But I live forty five minutes away from them all to be closer to school and further away from everyone that expects certain things from me. It's an adventure that scares me shitless. This means I have to open up and be nice to random people. I'm fuckkt. But until next time love, keep being beautiful. Peace and love my nerds.